How bad that it still hurts
That sanguine little girl once so full of longing
Could no longer bear it
She gave up her ghost inside
and left it homeless, wandering
Sleepless...I lie back and wonder how
How will it ever be found again?
I've forgotten what it feels like
To be truly happy
And not just "playing the part"
For others around me
Have you ever found something so beautiful
That it made you want to cry
but it was so very fragile
you couldn't touch it or it'd die?
The weight of empty.....crushing load of inner vacancy
I can't remember how it felt when my soul wasn't heavy
But at least I know that it once again could fly
if I could finally take you with me
Vestigial emotions...for YEARS I was convinced
they should never have been there
I told myself that I didn't care....
'Till all was left on my face was a blank, empty stare
What will it take to get through, 'till I reach you?
Would it take more than everything I am?
If it does, I don't care.
I have to escape this vacuum...
....this whole entire shell...
...this living, writhing, screaming HELL.
Only allowed to feel enough joy
To realize the strength of the misery
Why is my story still being written?
In frantic despair I'll keep turning the pages.
if all our dreams came true
why would we ever need to wake up
I will find you
I no longer have a choice.
After all the sorrow....after half my life I know
I can't help myself....I will never stop
Until I do......
I'm coming for you
I know what it looks like
when you smile
And I have never seen anything
That is more beautiful
Looking back, after all
at the girl, now a woman
She always knew what she wanted
and now she wouldn't trade the tears
For all the bliss on this desert earth
I can never again forget you
You are once more all I desire
And only death will keep me
From my place at your side.
(c) STEF L SCHULTZ